Dear Lena,

There's no reason to have faith.
Our minds destroy it.
There's no reason to believe that it is all happening in the right way, that we are safe to let go and open to the new.
There's no reason to believe that we can follow our hearts and it will be alright.
But sometimes I have the wherewithall to believe in my life, as it is, and to really say Yes to who I am now and what my life looks like now. It takes an incredible amount of courage and effort to say yes. And to Have Faith that what is happening is the right happening.
There's a big part of me kicking and screaming that this is Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. That I did it Wrong.
But that part gets nowhere. Really nowhere. Its just a person in a dark room, sobbing and pounding at an unlocked door.
I have to live believing, irrationally, that things are happening as they are meant to. Even with as much pain as they contain. So much separation in a lifetime. So much loss for each one of us.
But also, in every stranger, in every barista, in every person stuck in traffic, is this undying impulse to love each other. And to love ourselves.  It is who we are. To love instead of resist.
Love and grief are just about the same.
But how am I going to remember to have faith. Instead of destroying things with my doubt?
It becomes so clear and then I get fogged over again with this sense of tragic loss and regret and fear and dread. Then the fears feel more real than the love! And I start frantically planning and protecting and freaking the fuck out.
I forget that love is letting go.
Lena. Let's remember.
Raining so beautiful now.
Nora